Jerry Seinfeld: Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee and Me

I had a dream recently that I was on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Jerry Seinfeld. He was doing a “cheap” one-off episode for some reason, so he was driving his own everyday driver, a Porsche 911, and he invited me on.

At one point during our obviously hilarious banter, he drove his car off the freeway and miraculously landed on a wall. While teeter-tottering on this wall, Jerry turned to me and asked, “Do you want to drive?”

I replied, “Yes.”

Jerry said, “you can’t,” then sped off the wall, landing sideways on the grass in the shoulder of the road, causing the vehicle to roll over on its top. As the car was rocking on its top and about to stop on its roof, somehow I muscled my weight around and manage to get the car flip back on its wheels(!!!). We laughed together for a long time.

Once the laughter died down, Jerry and I looked at each other and he said, “Seriously, do you want to drive? Do you even know how to drive stick?”

I said, “Yeah, I’m pretty good at it actually.”

“Well then you definitely can’t,” he answered — and we both laughed hysterically as he spun out the back wheels in the grass and merged back onto the freeway.

If Puppies Could Text

A husband and wife bought a new puppy.  The husband worked at home during the day while the wife was off to work.  The following are text messages that the dog sent to the wife … with a little help from the husband:

Hi Mommy.  I am waiting patiently for you.  Will you take me for a walk tonight?  I miss you so much!  Can we play this weekend?  Can we can we can we?!?!?!!


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Lessons for Conan on TBS’s Lopez Cancellation

Conan O'BrienWhen Conan O’Brien moved to TBS after his Tonight Show gig was cancelled, he also pushed back George Lopez’s late night show an hour.  According to news reports at the time, this was done with the full blessing and possibly even the invitation of Lopez.

The obvious reasoning behind the move is that Conan would bring in a huge influx of new viewers to the network, and while Lopez would be on later, the carryover from the Conan boost would more than make up for it.

Unfortunately, that bet didn’t pay out. This week TBS announced they’ve canceled Lopez’s show, due to low ratings. And a recent article in Variety posed the question: Did Conan Undercut Lopez?  It’s an interesting analysis of the ratings and speculation as to the reasoning behind the move, and anyone interested in the matter should read it. Continue reading

The Oscar’s Speech

The King’s Speech was a deserved  Best Picture winner at the 83rd Annual Academy Awards on Sunday. However, the awards show itself was, to put it politely, much to be desired.

My admiration for The King’s Speech and the climactic speech at the end got me thinking: What if “King Oscar” addressed his fellow academy members about the state of the awards show? Here is my answer: