Why are we so scared about that?

Americans, I think, are rightly concerned about “big brother” watching what we do, and many equate corporations watching our behavior and tracking our interests as impeding on our privacy.  But there is a fundamental difference between the real “big brother,” i.e., government, impeding on our privacy and a company supposedly doing so.

When we interact with a company or another person, it is on a voluntary basis.  We chose to go to Whole Foods or Ralphs or visit Google or Facebook.  We do not have such a choice when it comes to the government.  Any corporation, no matter what the size, cannot force us to do anything.  It can’t force us to buy their products, use their services, or visit their Web sites.  Only the government can do this; it can, and does.  For starters, it forces us to pay taxes, get our car smogged, and buy health insurance.

Since government’s proper function is to protect individual rights, when it comes knocking on our door and asking for information that could only be used to violate our rights, clearly fears of “big brother” are justified.

How much money do you make?  What is your ethnicity?  What are your religious beliefs?  Such questions are none of the government’s business, yet when and if required by law, we have to provide such information to the government.  That is not the case with a company.

The purpose of a company is to make money.  It is to offer us value in exchange for money.  It is not to destroy value.  So when an advertising company wants to know our income, our age, our interests, our buying habits, etc., this information is used by the company to potentially provide us with better value in the future.  It uses this information for the purpose of better their product and marketing efforts to reach the right buyers, i.e., the people who want to buy their product the most.  Maybe it’s you.  Maybe it’s not.

The smarter advertising technology, the happier I am.  If I never see an ad for ESPN again in my life, that’s a good thing, because ESPN should know that the only game I like is Badminton.  Yet when Badminton is being played on the Olympics, perhaps NBC could send me an e-mail alert telling me where to go watch it and when.

That’s a good thing for ESPN and for me: They won’t waste their time trying to reach me and I don’t’ have to sort through ESPN spam.  It’s also a good thing for NBC and me: They can target me specifically—someone who actually may be interested in their product—and I probably would have forgotten to even look for it in the first place, but once reminded gone and watched it.

Am I giving up my privacy?  In a small sense, yes, but there is no harm to me and, in fact, only value to be gained.  “Giving up” your privacy is not necessarily a bad thing.  You do it every time you introduce yourself to someone: “Hello, my name is Sean.”  Now you know my name.  You didn’t before.  This allows you to engage with me in some way—or even avoid me in the future if you don’t want to deal with me.

Of course, companies and other people can and do violate rights.  But this is the exception, not the norm.  And such violations should (and generally are) illegal and individuals should be protected against those who do violate their rights by force—which is the proper function of government.

So the next time you’re worried that Best Buy may be watching your behavior as you walk through their store, or a Facebook is tracking how you use their social network, or the supermarket asks you to sign up for a loyalty program, know that in all likelihood, they are doing so for the purpose of improving their product or to better reach or communicate with you about things you actually may want to buy in the future.

Often times we get “junk mail,” whether electronic or via snail mail, and we cry for privacy laws because they are a hassle to sort through and throw away.  But when we get or see content we actually want, we don’t think of it that way.  It just feels like our friends at Bed Bath & Beyond were kind enough to send us another twenty percent off coupon, and we don’t cry about our privacy.

True, the fear of failure can be paralyzing.  Perfectionists often don’t get anything done because they cannot accept even the possibility of failure, leaving them paralyzed at the starting line and left in the dust by the rest of the world who embraces their mistakes, learns from them, and moves toward the finish line as a result.

During my short stint as a stand-up comic, I wrote a joke on perfectionism:  “I have the best joke on perfectionism that you’ve ever heard,” I would say, “but it isn’t ready to tell yet.”

In this light, yes, you should not be afraid to fail and be willing to “embrace” it if you do.  But one does not achieve success by failing.  Failure is, well, just that.

Failing may give you the opportunity to learn, yes, and it may uncover important information that allows you to move forward—often information that you would have never learned if you hadn’t tried in the first place.

That doesn’t mean you should seek it out.  When Michael Jordan takes a jump shot, he is not aiming to miss.  If he does miss, while it may be an opportunity to learn, it did not score him any points.

But isn’t the opportunity to learn from failure the point?  Yes, in a way, but it also misses the wider principle.  Failure itself is just one way to learn and grow.  Consider that success gives you that very same opportunity and for the very same reason.

Just like failure, with success you must always perform a postmortem on your actions, your project, your business, whatever, and discover the reasons behind your results.  They are both learning opportunities and success’ sweet smell isn’t as potent unless you know the cause behind it.

This is important to remember at the start of any project, task or business proposition.  Focusing on failure is a sure way to get sidetracked and land yourself in a rut, leaving you wondering when the heck all that success is going to come.  If failure is your focus, it never will.

Instead, set your sights on the target—settling for nothing less than full understanding of your results—and shoot to win.

The first kind of jerk is the better of the two. He usually has some redemptive value. Sometimes he generates good ideas, has at least one admirable quality or a genuine accomplishment under his belt. He may be your jerk boss, jerk colleague, a jerk celebrity or jerk commentator, and can be tolerable in moderation. This type is known as the plain old-fashioned Jerk.

Some Jerks may be extremely skilled or talented, but they earn their Jerk status because they rub it in and put others down in the process. They treat the rest of the world as a step below them because they feel they are a step above everyone else. They are insensitive and often careless. They don’t listen. They talk too loud and without thinking. Other times they talk too softly so one has to strain to hear them. They think they’re funny, charming, handsome and likable but fall short in at least two of these categories.

Such behaviors give the Jerk a false boost of self-worth and an overinflated sense of self-esteem. It is a shame because there are Jerks who have real talent and would float just fine, self-esteem wise, without the jerkery. They think they can get by on talent alone—and sometimes they can. They do not realize, however, that in the long run this limits their potential.

These Jerks are usually redeemable, however. Sometimes they’re not even aware they’ve been Jerks. At some point they may introspect and decide to change for the better. They begin to recognize they can gain perspective from a wide variety of people, regardless of intelligence or talent. They start to listen. They stop comparing themselves to others as a means of evaluating themselves. They become Sympathetic Jerks first and then, eventually, nice people and “grounded,” as is sometimes described of accomplished yet humble individuals.

All of us have probably been a Jerk in some capacity at some point in our lives. We may have felt guilty for it, and learned a valuable lesson as a result. If that’s you, don’t fret. You are in good company and we can still be friends.

But there is the other kind of jerk that should be identified and exiled: the unredeemable, Jerk-Ass kind of jerk.

This Jerk-Ass knows he is a Jerk, is proud of it and tries to be the “best” among his kind. He’s also a fraud. He too may be your boss or someone in power, though he often doesn’t stay there for long. He fakes his way through meetings, bullshits to get ahead or get by, and is generally rude for no reason other than he thinks the rest of the world is beneath him.

Anyone he identifies as smarter or more talented is still beneath him, in his eyes. He attributes others’ success to luck, and his own winnings to bending the rules of “the game”—whichever game it is he thinks he’s playing. To him, everything is a game and there is always a shortcut.

The Jerk-Ass takes pride in putting other people down. He takes even more pride in putting down people of stature and talent. He is driven by envy.

Jerk-Asses often think they’re getting away with being a jerk. They even think they can be a jerk to you without you knowing it. The worst ones try to gain your esteem because they’re such a jerk to you. Often they’re a big fish in a little pond.

The Jerk-Ass will never look you in the eye. Or, if he’s at the top of his game, he will always do it and then accuse you of being a Jerk for not returning his stare. In e-mails, the Jerk-Ass never uses punctuation and never proofreads. He fails to provide sufficient context in his communications. If you don’t get his point, it’s your fault and you’re a moron for not understanding. If the Jerk-Ass is a writer by profession and can’t get away with this, the over-use of commas is a dead giveaway. The bottom line is that he makes it difficult to understand or question what he is saying, hoping you will think he is brilliant as a result. Don’t be fooled.

There is no rehabilitating Jerk-Asses. They are dishonest, manipulative, unredeemable souls, the most vile of creatures who should be avoided like the plague. They back-stab, cheat and lie. They bribe, blackmail and extort if they think it will serve them, and will do it all in the name of justice. Often they get away with their shenanigans—at least for a while—which only boosts their false sense of self-worth.

Jerk-Asses are loners, but they also congregate if it serves a purpose. Sometimes that purpose is to just jerk other Jerk-Asses around. Often they group together to beat out some other group of Jerks, such as in sports or business.

If you work with or for a Jerk-Ass, or find yourself otherwise entangled in a menagerie of Jerks, run for the hills. Find a new person or company to work for, or find a new group of friends to enjoy your hobbies with. There are never any values to be gained from a Jerk-Ass.

Denounce Jerk-Asses when possible. Call their bluff and don’t let them get away with their B.S., and be ready for them to question your intelligence, integrity and moral character if you do. Sometimes they may hold some power to harm you if you speak out, as this is a post they often seek and sometimes gain without you even being aware of it. If this is the case, say what you can or at least quietly walk away and never deal with them again.

So, the next time you run into someone and think he’s a jerk, stop and consider exactly what kind of jerk he is (or she, women can be Jerks too, though it is more rare). It will save you time in the long run and will avoid involving yourself with bad, dangerous and possibly evil people.

Luckily, the worst kinds of Jerks, while more poisonous, are also more rare. Give someone the benefit of the doubt before you denounce him as a Jerk-Ass.

Don’t go overboard and think everyone’s a Jerk, either. There’s nothing wrong with boasting about your talents or strutting your skills, and you should be proud of your accomplishments. Just don’t be a Jerk about it.